For a twenty- or even thirty-year-old man, the words that life is just beginning at forty mean nothing at best, and at worst sound as implausible as stories about fairies, snowmen and UFOs. But time inexorably brings us closer to this figure, which many are inclined, and not without reason, to consider a certain boundary, smoothly delimiting life for the period before and after its onset. What happens in the minds of men after the age of forty, how does their psychology change or not, and what should we, women, do in this current situation?
Psychology has defined the condition that occurs in men at the age of forty, calling it a midlife crisis. Since the onset of this (definitely fateful!) date is inevitable in the fate of every man, regardless of his marital status, height, weight and position, we should understand what signs clearly tell us that it is approaching or that he is already , has arrived.
In human nature there is a tendency to analyze what is happening in one's own life, which is very important and correct for every individual. As a rule, we time the summing up to certain milestones, dates in our lives: what have we achieved in a year, what do we have in our lives after reaching a certain number of years, what else can we do or undertake and can we still do? If at twenty years old guys still don’t think too much about some moments that took place in his still quite young life, then the psychology of a man after the onset of his thirties makes very significant adjustments and changes to his behavior.
Men more often begin to look back, casting a critical eye on the past and trying to objectively assess the results achieved: work and social life, financial well-being and various achievements, home, family and children, friends, health. Their lives are subjected to close and severe self-analysis: what did they live for all these years, what did they strive for, and what do they have at the moment? This is where strange things can happen that had not been noticed before by this man.

Finding yourself: mental tossing

He realizes that everything that was previously part of his interests for so many years has suddenly lost all its significance and attractiveness. Work has ceased to be so important and interesting, everything in the family has somehow become familiar, the children have grown up, the relationship with the wife is rolling along some kind of well-known and well-established track, from which it seems impossible to turn away; after all, over the many years spent side by side, you know each other practically by heart. Whatever the reason for his disappointment and the onset of boredom, apathy and disharmony in his soul, a man’s psychology tells him only one way out of the situation: he must begin to act. Especially now, when there is less and less time left.
Many women, choosing the tactic of waiting - they say, he will get mad and calm down - make a rash decision. Maybe he will go crazy, but not at all in the way you expect. Imagine that now in front of you is a completely new, different person, a stranger. But at the same time, you treat him very well and wish him only the best. Now, more than ever, your man is experiencing unprecedented stress, and it is in your power to help your partner overcome it, unobtrusively, as only we women can do.

The situation is getting out of control, or save yourself who can

Of course, you shouldn’t think only about the bad, just as you shouldn’t set yourself up for negativity. It should be understood that a crisis is a time of change, which must be taken calmly. But there are things that every woman should know about, because, despite the fact that men try to cope with the crisis that has arisen in their souls on their own, the decisions or actions that they take affect us one way or another. What can a man do and how should he react to this?

He decides to make a drastic career change. This decision should not be considered erroneous or hasty. Work, career and social status are precisely the areas that affect your partner’s personality the most. If he feels that he needs to change something in his career achievements, change his field of activity, or retire altogether, then you need to accept his decision, at least calmly, and even better, support him.
He announces to you his desire to break up with you. The reasons for this can be very different. From a fairly simple one, when a man simply needs to take a time out, some kind of respite, after which everything will return to normal, and the man’s feelings will return to normal and calm down. Sadly, the marriage was preserved more for appearances or out of responsibility, which was important to your partner. And now the children have grown up, most of the obligations have been fulfilled, and he wants to live only for himself. If it comes to the latter assumption, then it is possible to hold it by force, but the consequences will not be favorable. Most likely, no matter how many years your relationship lasts, you yourself will not be able to call it trusting or close.
Love is on the side. As sad as it is to admit this fact, it is precisely at this time age period Our faithful most often make connections on the side. The psychology of this behavior is explained not only and not so much by the routine that is possible after so many years of marriage. It is not only the novelty of another relationship that attracts your husband, a former loyal family man and loving father, pushing him into the arms of other women.
He suddenly realizes that there are many other women in the world who, purely theoretically, may be interesting to him and for whom he himself is of interest. If not now, then when? After all, the chance will go away and never return. To forgive or not to forgive betrayal is your own business. Of course, not every woman can do this. But believe the experience of many wives who were able to survive this and save the family, that it is worth doing, especially if until now your spouse has not had a reputation as a flighty traitor.

A man begins to have health problems against the backdrop of sudden depression. A huge number of men suddenly realize that they are no longer heroes, and discover the world of medicine. But not with joy, but with sadness, finding in this confirmation of the onset of old age. The circle is closing, and it already seems that there is no way out of it. Of course this is not true. By receiving the necessary support, first of all, from family and friends, your beloved head of the family will be able to cope with this manifestation of the crisis.
Despite the fact that the manifestation of the crisis, which we will now tell you about, perhaps has the least impact on the environment of a particular man and on his family, but for some mysterious reason it is precisely this that causes the strongest reaction with a fairly pronounced negative connotation. Your man wanted to change something in his appearance or got excited about the idea of ​​some new business. Psychology explains this by saying that in search of something new that will make you feel unique, fresh, young and have the opportunity to do something new in life, your partner chose this path as the least traumatic for himself and those around him.
Agree, if he unexpectedly decided to grow or shave his hair, enroll in sport Club or jump with a parachute, although you have never been particularly fond of such activities before, then this does not pose any threat to your family and your relationships. Believe me, this is important for him at this time, show loyalty and allow him to bring his plans to life. A certain part of the representatives strong half humanity quickly bounces back, expressing itself in a manner completely unusual for them, and after a while you will again see in front of you the man with whom you lived for many years, and not a slightly lost stranger and a frightening eccentric.

Sex life has completely declined, or, on the contrary, it’s as if Casanova has taken possession of your partner. Again, we urge lovely ladies to show patience and understanding, especially in the first case, when the most terrible thoughts come into your head - from “He stopped loving me, and I am no longer attracted to him as a woman” to “He has a mistress.” That's not the point. A man who is immersed in the analysis of what is happening in his life at this moment is simply physically unable to be distracted by anything else. Of course, this period is also quite fleeting, and your partner will soon again seek your love and affection.
In a situation where you seem to be back on your honeymoon, you should do something even simpler: indulge in it with joy and delight. explains this by saying that the man wants to prove to himself that he is still young in both soul and body. The correct mental and moral guidelines allow him not to go beyond the boundaries of generally accepted behavior, and to prove this within the confines of his own bedroom, without gathering a dozen or two young mistresses around him and protecting his family hearth from collapse.

After all, at 40, life is just beginning!

We all know that it is much easier to prevent any disease than to treat it and its consequences. It is absolutely certain that this approach can be correlated with your man’s midlife crisis. It is clear that you do not have the most likely opportunity to try to prevent it, but to prevent radical manifestations of this notorious crisis, and also to mitigate most of it negative consequences completely within your power. In the end, we are not talking about a stranger, but about a person close to you, with whom a lot connects and unites.
To do this, you do not need to have supernatural abilities or any special talents. It is enough to show the original feminine qualities - patience, understanding, and most importantly - love, on which the entire psychology of a woman is based. Take this crisis as a chance to see your partner from the other side, discover something new in him, be able to understand and accept this new thing. It is advisable to consider this period as the time that you are given for self-study and self-knowledge. After all, you also have to discover something new in yourself, as a response to unusual behavior in your man, despite the fact that you have already spent many years with him.
Men whose families are sympathetic to the transformations taking place in their souls and minds live through this notorious and unfortunate crisis much easier, and most importantly, much faster and with minimal consequences. A completely sensible thought appears in their minds that life continues, and in some ways begins again, it is full of colors and sensations, and most importantly, that he has understanding and love from a woman. After all, with such support, no crises are, of course, scary!

There comes a time in every person's life to reassess their past. What was done and how, what mistakes were made, what you can be proud of. For men, such a rethinking may occur somewhere around the halfway mark. life path Therefore, this period is called the “crisis of 40 years” or “midlife crisis.” Not everyone goes through it smoothly; moreover, sometimes the state of crisis is completely unrelated to real achievements and well-being. At such moments, a lot depends on those around him - a man can overcome the crisis of 40 years if he has someone to rely on, and also if he finds the right guidelines in life.

• What to do when a man’s 40th birthday crisis hits?
• Why can a midlife crisis in 40-year-old men be very painful?
• Why does a man in crisis after 40 urgently need support?
• How can a man overcome his midlife crisis at 40?

The crisis after 40 years in men goes away like a painful condition, only not physical, but psychological. It is characterized by a certain depression, apathy, depressed mood, and irritability.

This manifests itself in different people in different ways: one man, in a midlife crisis, sits on the sofa and it is no longer possible to drag him off it under any pretext: he watches TV, solves crossword puzzles and gradually turns into a pillar of salt. Another literally tears out his hair Due to the fact that I could not buy the apartment, car, dacha (underline as appropriate) of my dreams, I did not take the position of director. The third one is confined to computer games, loses interest in family and the world around him, and lives in fantasies. The fourth one suddenly decides to throw himself into downshifting, move to the village and get a goat, chickens and geese, and this despite his two higher educations.

Fourth, fifth, sixth...they all have one thing in common - devastation from looking back at the past, which is the main evidence that a man is in a midlife crisis.

After 40, midlife crisis

Most often, psychological problems, especially in men, especially when they have already exceeded 40 years, are perceived by others, including those closest to them, with slight irony. One way or another, a man has already become established and established himself in life - this is not youth with its tossing and turning: where to go, how to propose to your beloved, how to find a job, how to forgive the first betrayal. In middle age, every man is already something of himself, at least that’s how others perceive him. This gives rise to the feeling that a psychological problem is not a problem at all, but rather a slight nervousness that should go away on its own.

In fact, the opposite may be true. It is psychological problems that are easily overcome in youth, but with age, when they escalate and are not resolved for years, they can cause enormous stress. A midlife crisis in a 40-year-old man can be a real blow for him, which cannot be brushed aside and forgotten like a runny nose in childhood. It is not that simple.

Psychological stress reveals all the bad character traits in a person. When we suffer, we want to relieve that suffering. We blame others, nature, the country. We vent our anger, get offended, get angry, scream, withdraw into ourselves, cry. This is a normal human reaction to his psychological problems. It’s another matter if those around you, instead of supporting you, only aggravate the situation: your wife nags and reproaches you, your children don’t listen, your friends spit in your soul, your bosses scream. And everyone is waiting together for the man to finally end his midlife crisis, to survive his 40s and be the same again. Yes, with this approach this will never happen. Because stress will only intensify, and the symptoms of the crisis after 40 years risk getting worse. He needs help psychological help, and not reproaches and shouting.

The 40-year crisis: how to overcome it and what to do?

The only way a man can overcome a midlife crisis is figure out not what happened and with your accumulated problems, understand yourself and your desires. Understand what you want and what brings you pleasure. And vice versa, what you don’t want and what brings unhappiness. And age at this moment is not a problem, and the past is just an experience of life and nothing more.

Different vectors, as well as their combinations, give different life scenarios, and it is during a midlife crisis in men that they manifest themselves “in all their glory.”

The most effective tool for solving the midlife crisis in men is Yuri Burlan’s System-Vector Psychology. With the help of this 21st century psychoanalysis, any psychological tension is drawn out from the subconscious and processed. All bad states go away, and in their place a feeling of balance, happiness and joy appears. Here are some reviews from those who have already studied this science.

The age of onset of the crisis varies from 37 to 42 years - this is one of the most difficult periods in a man’s life. It is also sometimes called "forties fatal". How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal disruption? Advice from a psychologist - for men and their wives.

If the crisis of a man’s thirtieth birthday mainly affects his revaluation of his social role, concerns the choice of work path, self-determination in life, and at the same time his personal life suffers much less, then at forty this is a real disaster.

There are several reasons for this - and they are not comparable to the causes of an identity crisis.

Firstly, this is the age of summing up. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the winner requires a reward and a pedestal, and thunderous applause, and admiring glances. The man is a hero! His family is fine, everything is in its place. He fulfills the role of head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his own circle of friends, and the external attributes of success. The world simply must admire his achievements. And who inhabits this world? Did his wife, who went with him all the way through his formation, see both his “broken nose” and despair? She has long stopped praising and admiring her husband, and treats his successes as something completely natural. Sometimes he will say: “You’re great! I should also have this...” - and will calmly continue the conversation about family needs. These are not the “copper pipes” that male pride craves, oh, not those!

Perhaps the father is admired by his children, who have reached adolescence by his fortieth birthday? I can already see your smile, we won’t even discuss it. Everything is clear here.

So who will appreciate the hero’s feat? Who will look at him with loving eyes, full of admiration and delight? You know this too! Young women captivated by the image of the “alpha male”. And the point here is not that the man was drawn to exchange “his old forty-year-old wife for two young twenty-year-olds.” And not that he is corrupted or corrupted. He needs success like air! And the wife is in no hurry with the laurel wreath - or appears at the wrong time and inappropriately. And there are so many enthusiastic girls around... “If not now, then when?” - the man thinks. He is haunted by the question: “What am I worth in life?” - and a person does not look for an answer from colleagues and friends, this is a passed stage. He needs the admiration of women. Now the main thing for him is the attitude towards his powerful personality.

Fears are mixed with the hunger for recognition. Forty is not twenty or thirty. The man has reached his fifth decade. It is unknown how much of a man's life is left; where is the triumph?

And here your body also tells you: youth slips away like sand through your fingers. The lungs, liver, blood vessels, stomach, heart begin to play tricks... The man suddenly realizes that old age is just around the corner, that all the best is left behind, that he will soon begin to lose strength, that nothing can be turned back, that he is getting old.

The first signs of erectile dysfunction complete the gloomy picture. Dear ladies, do not try to understand what this means for a man. The cellulite, wrinkles and other minor troubles that bother us cannot give even a shadow of an idea of ​​what a man feels! Any change at the hormonal level, anxiety, fear of impotence, decreased potency, erectile dysfunction in midlife cause men.

Impotence for a man is the end of life, the curtain. Forever.

One day we were having a philosophical conversation with a middle-aged gentleman. We talked about the meanings of life and death. And he exclaimed: “Death! It’s natural and it awaits everyone! But it’s better to die before you realize that you can’t do it anymore! That’s what’s really scary!” He was sincere.

The man becomes withdrawn and irritated. He looks at himself in the mirror: it seems like nothing, not an old man. And in my head I hear: “Soon you will become old and weak. Hurry while there is gunpowder in the flasks.” And he's in a hurry...

Desperately rushes to restore health, sometimes causing harm to himself. This makes him even more scared. And if you consider that testosterone, the hormone of aggressiveness, splashes into the blood in large volumes during stress, then you can easily imagine the situation in the home of an aging man. No one seems to care enough. And the wife, as a rule, becomes the scapegoat.

At the age of forty, a man's suffering is concentrated on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as you and I already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, well-being and masculine strength.

He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only duty remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man the least in his forties. A sense of duty cannot make him happy, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him; it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe deeply and feel young. The marital bed grows cold. And the wife is “to blame” for this too.

A man feels that no one understands him, he is endlessly lonely, everyone needs something from him, but no one needs him. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality become for a man a sign of intolerable misfortune. “If I cried, then life is really terrible.”

The following text can be printed and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother your spouse with “composing” the reasons for dissatisfaction and disappointment.

• You have become unsexy and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
• There is nothing to talk about with you, you have no interests except household chores and your girlfriends.
• You no longer understand me, I am completely alone in my family.
• You don’t play sports, so you look blurry and flabby.
• You are only busy with your career and rags.
• You are treating me like a consumer.
• I need freedom, and you are constantly spying on me.
• I worked all my life, now I want to live for myself.
• There are a lot of problems at home, this is how you raised your children! I was busy with work, earning money. It’s unclear what you were doing.
• You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
• I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
• Don't pester me with stupid questions! You still won't understand what's wrong with me.

The changes that a man craves at the age of forty already affect the foundations of his well-established life. This is an escape from a prison where a witch rules the roost. And there are so many beautiful and kind fairies around! This is the breaking of everything familiar and established, this is the thirst for a “different life.” Truly different!

Middle age is when you can still do everything you did before, but you prefer not to do it.

The male crisis of forty years is a ten-magnitude earthquake. The man is going crazy. Everything is going wrong, the thirst for freedom is off the charts. Neither work nor usual hobbies can save you. Everything is devalued. All that matters is the last car of the departing train, which you can jump into while it is moving. And the man jumps!

Yes, it is at the age of forty that a man longs for a romantic relationship, “high feelings,” sincere acceptance of himself, without any pretensions or reservations. In this respect, he is like a teenager and thinks and feels just as anxious and vague.

At the age of forty, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, a man does not just have affairs to test his sexual viability. No! He falls in love! He needs understanding and unconditional acceptance. His soul requires inspiration, as in his youth. And this can only be given by a woman who is not like his wife.

There is another interesting point here. If a man’s testosterone level begins to decrease by the age of forty, and this is what makes him more sensitive and sentimental, then a woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-confident and stronger. And a man needs a soul mate, gentle and sensual. It is such a woman that becomes sexually attractive to him. And the man begins to feel that he will never return to his family. Who would voluntarily return to prison!

It is during this period that the peak of divorces occurs. If a man gets divorced and starts a new family - with a good fairy, of course - after some time he will begin to compare her with his “old wife” and try to create a copy of her.

I have encountered situations that were more similar to the theater of the absurd than to real life. From them you can see what kind of confusion occurs in a man’s head.

“We got married in our fifth year at the institute, we were both just over twenty. We grew up professionally together. Then a daughter and a son appeared one after another. My wife was more involved with the children than with her career. And all my life I worked, worked, worked... We lived together for twenty years old. My wife became like a mother. We live like close relatives. But we are still young! There is no romance. Life became gray. I understand that these new feelings will probably end someday too. What if they don’t? But I don’t want to leave my family for twenty years. I’m ashamed in front of my children, they won’t understand how I’ll leave them all. ? So I’m torn to pieces. I can’t see my wife. She knows everything. I can’t look my children in the eyes, I’m ashamed of the thought of leaving my family. I’m torn into pieces there. crazy, and despair, and shame, and the inability to live like this anymore... All in one bottle. How can I sort all this out? Maybe everything will somehow resolve itself?"

And this person sincerely believes that he can somehow sort everything out, everything will fall into place by itself. And the wolves will be fed, and the sheep will be safe. He may even tell his wife, who has learned about his mistress: “Why are you so worried! I’m not going to marry her! I’m not leaving the family. Give me a little freedom!”

And he says this, confusing his forty with sixteen, and his wife with his mother. His wife decides that her husband has either gone crazy or lost both his mind and conscience.

In reality, the husband really needs the support and help of his wife, but does not know how to ask for it, how to explain the terrible thing that is happening to him. Because a man behaves aggressively and inexplicably, he is responded to by being judged and pushed away. The crisis will end someday, but the suffering man has no idea about it. His problem is “forever.”

Discussion

Hi all. Now I’m already 40. I entered this stage half a year ago.
I am sharing with you women how this happens for men (for me).
For what? I don't know, maybe it will help someone.
It seems like there is a lot: a house, an apartment, a car, a good wife, two beloved children. Normal job with good income.
We have been living in perfect harmony for 15 years. Rare disputes. A couple of scandals over the years. No change.
But the number 40 is really scary. And indeed, thoughts appear on their own about what you have achieved, that old age is just around the corner.
And most importantly, how much do I have left? No, don't live. How many more years can I have? How many years will they still want me? Today (almost like 15 years ago) you can fall in love with almost any girl. What about tomorrow? Here comes old age. How many women have I seen in my life? 10? 15? probably so. And only a couple of them I could truly satisfy. It is to SATISFIE a woman! This is true pleasure in sex! What about the wife? You ask me. But I couldn’t with my wife. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. So try! You say back. Tired. There were many attempts and aspirations. Especially when I was younger. Log. Bad word. I love and respect my wife. Log. 3-5 years after the wedding. And no matter how you rub, don’t lick. No passion, no emotions, no screams, moans, no activity at all! There is a “machine”, a lifeless machine, always available. This is not interesting. A man wants to achieve, create and conquer heights.
At some point I thought: - maybe only I need this sex? He went to the first floor to sleep. And I wait, when will she, my beloved, want to love me? I waited half a year, maybe a year. And he didn’t wait. He came and “rested” on his “machine”. And as always, no passion, nothing, exactly. I have been sleeping on the first floor for 3-5 years. And I don’t want to go where I’m not expected. I come in when I feel unbearable. 5-10 minutes and free. Is there any point in taking it longer when they’re not waiting for me there?
So what's next? And then I remembered the number with which I was incredibly happy, half a year for sure, crazy sex. He accepted that number and consoled me. I was ready to leave my family. To another family, with three children. She stopped me, my new love, rubbed her eyes and explained. What if I lose everything I have? The wife doesn't know. What next??? And then the same midlife crisis. And I don’t want a wife (anymore). Again, look for an opportunity to conquer your “loved ones” on the side? DON'T KNOW. I can say about my wife: she is gold! in everything. And with children. And around the house. Everywhere.

P.S. Dear women! Hold your husband's dick tightly. Don't be afraid of this word, in every possible sense. Give it 100%! Don't hold yourself back in anything! Throw all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. Be passionate. INSATIABLE! Demand more and more every day, three basins a day. Anywhere. Pose. GIVE UP! HELP, participate in the process. (hear correctly, I do not require perversion). Give your man the opportunity to truly satisfy you. Don't imitate. Especially if you haven’t, you don’t know how. Lying is unacceptable. Caress. Caress everything. Get happiness, pleasure, satisfaction! Try. Let yourself loose. Get an orgasm! together with her husband. This is important to him!
If you can take your husband firmly by the balls. Not one husband will ever leave! He is not in danger of a midlife crisis. Even if the cabbage soup is undercooked or the sheets are not ironed.

My husband’s crisis began at 43, now he is 44. We started building our house 4 years ago, my husband moved there, lives in it, builds and works not far from the house, but in a different city from his family (we have been married for 18 years, two children). A young friend (27 years old) appeared, helps with the construction, and is always nearby. My children and I only went on weekends. My husband became very distant from us, changed his hairstyle, began to dress more youthfully, like this friend, began to constantly spend time on the phone, began to take photographs, post photos on Instagram. And this summer, in response to my bewilderment, he generally said that he no longer loved me and would never have sex with me. If you want, get a divorce. The house was built for a family, but who needs it now? I feel that this friend is giving a lot of advice to my husband and escalating the situation. I don’t understand why? My husband has always been independent, but here he listens to some snotty boy. Is this a crisis? And he doesn't understand what he can go through? What should I do? And how long does this crisis usually last?

Try giving your husband something for potency, and you won’t have any problems. And he won’t leave for his mistress) That you are like small children. Are there not enough resources in this world? Buy a Detonator or blue tablet dispensers.

Serves you right, women! From the first day life together you look at your husbands as an ATM, in return not giving him anything other than sex that is monotonous and rare as rain in the desert. I am 30, I have a 4-year-old son, we are not having a second one, because I am waiting until the first one grows up so that I can divorce this nun and live the remaining 30-40 years with a beautiful, loving wife, and not a boring, stupid, ugly aunt.

It is advisable not only to admire, but also to help and support him. When my husband and I began to have an intimate breakdown, I sent him to a doctor, who advised how to improve potency. My husband took Effectex Tribulus and went on vacation. We returned as rejuvenated newlyweds. Even children notice changes in our relationships.

My husband left a week ago. He was tossing around inside very much. He didn’t want to leave. When I caught him on a dating site, he began to lie and get out. I caught him completely by accident, I never followed him. I believed him as myself. We went through a lot together. But I don’t tolerate lies and got the truth. He told me that he was not interested in me as a woman, only as a friend. And he also started having last years problems with potency. Now he is looking for young people. Every day he sits on the Internet in any free minute. It’s like he’s gone crazy. I kicked him out of the house, deleted him from all contacts so as not to call him back, because I understand that this is sexless - he’s like a zombie. Now I'm quietly going crazy. I don't want to live.

Your husband suddenly started going to work in a parrot tie, signed up for a fitness center, changed his hairstyle, and yesterday you found him stuck to the glass of a car dealership selling Ferraris. But, what’s worse, he began to look at you with nothing other than contempt, and in his notebook A bunch of strange numbers appeared. Congratulations, most likely, the notorious demon, which comes to every fourth man along with the first gray hair, has reached the ribs of your beloved...

Only lazy people haven’t written a book or made a movie about a midlife crisis. And most importantly, the authors of these bestsellers are mostly men, so all the information is presented with such subtle humor, self-irony and, of course, makes all the macho men who recognize themselves in the main character smile. But for some reason not a single work tells us what we, women, should do in this situation, and where did this notorious midlife crisis come from? It's actually simple. In the life of every man there is a very carefree period when he “throws stones,” and a more serious one, which usually comes closer to forty years, is the time to collect cobblestones: to take stock, reap the fruits of previous activities, evaluate the results. So, a midlife crisis occurs if, after five years of tinkering with the “stones,” a man suddenly discovers that he has a bad job, his wife is a vixen, his children are idiots, he is bald, and there is not a single dream that has come true.

What's next?

Most often, a crisis occurs among men who are not doing what they want, or among those who have not achieved what they planned. Although it happens that a completely successful representative of the stronger sex becomes a victim of a psychological problem: wealthy, attractive, with a luxurious wife, smart children and an expensive car. One fine day the thought comes to his mind: “What next? Well, if I have more money, I’ll buy another house by the sea... And is this really all that lies ahead for me in the future?!” At this moment, it seems to the man that there is no better way out of the current situation than to fill his life with something new, bright, and sometimes even extreme.

Secretary as a symptom

If you suspect that a midlife crisis has seeped into your family, take a closer look at your spouse - the symptoms of the problem are painfully obvious. The first and main sign is that the man has changed! And not only you see this, but also his friends, colleagues and even your children. However, the metamorphoses that have occurred with your beloved are so vivid and impressive that it is difficult not to notice them. One day you are surprised to discover that your spouse has bought a gym membership (even though he always despised jocks), a player and a ticket to a concert of a fashionable alternative band. At the fitness center, he made interesting acquaintances, which brought with them new hobbies, and very youthful ones: for example, the faithful began snowboarding or driving around the city in a car at night. The vehicle, if opportunities permit, also changes: the place of a still quite good foreign car is taken by some, perhaps not at all fresh, but red or yellow, sports car. On top of that, your husband, who for the last 15 years wore only a gray suit to work, suddenly changed it to a canary one, and combined with an alien tie and sneakers. And, of course, he has a new secretary! Olga Sergeevna, who served him faithfully, left, unable to withstand the competition with the busty blonde Alena, who despises skirts longer than her knees. But the worst thing is that my dear has become completely unbearable. Even in those rare hours when he appears at home, your spouse is irritated and unfriendly with you (your cooking tastes bad, your clothes are terrible), and he behaves with his own children as if they were strangers.

The fight for the tattered treasure

When faced with a midlife crisis, immediately decide to what extent you are ready to plunge into trying to get your spouse out of this state. To end? Then have patience and strength. Firstly, never speak badly to your children about dad and don’t express your obvious grievances against him in front of them. Try not to discuss your spouse’s behavior with your offspring at all, even if they are already 18 years old, and the father behaves worse than their peers. Just continue to be the best mom in the world to your children. And even, in some places, dad. Believe me, when you survive the crisis, everyone - both your offspring and your spouse - will be immensely grateful to you for this. Secondly, remind your spouse more often of life moments when he was “on horseback”, and those cases in which he obviously liked himself. Don’t laugh at your husband’s new hobbies, but at the same time try not to let him forget how everyone respected him even when he was still wearing a gray suit. Tell him what's wrong with you literally His previous manner of dressing drove him crazy, but at the same time he expressed his readiness to love him in a canary jacket.

Under any pretext, get your husband on vacation. Leave the children to their grandmothers and go with your spouse to conquer the Nepalese slopes, hunt in the African savannas, ride a board on the Californian waves - in a word, engage in any extreme sport that is currently in favor with your crisis spouse. Forget about shopping in Milan - you’ll fly later with a friend.

Needless to say, you should drop your suitcase with your mobile phones and laptop at the border to make sure they don’t work the entire trip? And, of course, before your vacation you will have to spend a month in the fitness center and beauty salon - you must be flawless! After all, nothing will bring a spouse to a feeling of self-satisfaction better than the thought that this lady, luxurious in all respects, is his wife.

Your task is to help your husband regain mental balance, self-confidence and try to re-teach him to enjoy simple things: a lunar path, a sunrise in the mountains, the naivety of children and simply the opportunity to live. If you didn’t succeed and the worst thing happened - your husband went on a spree, know: usually “anti-crisis sex therapy” lasts no more than two years. Then the exhausted Don Juan again appears on the threshold of the family nest, full of repentance. Whether you need this shabby treasure, decide for yourself.

Chubby instead of macho

Keep in mind that not all men fall into the clutches of a crisis due to unsatisfied ambitions. For some, events develop according to a different scenario. One day, the faithful approaches the mirror and discovers in it not the handsome macho man he is accustomed to consider himself to be, but a plump mattress with a belly protruding from under his T-shirt, bags under his eyes and a bald patch breaking through his once thick curls. Here, of course, I remember yesterday’s shortness of breath after climbing to the third floor, and my own children, whom I want to wash, cut, change and rip off their headphones, where strange music is playing, and my wife in a classic torn robe. A vile thought appears in the unfortunate man’s head: “God, I’m not young anymore! I don't understand my offspring! And who will explain to me what this woman is doing in my house? The result of such sad thoughts is depression, melancholy and, again, the desire to change everything.

Neither cognac nor sex

The symptoms of a midlife depressive crisis are not very bright (the man does not wear pink ties and does not skateboard), but they are extremely unpleasant. Your cheerful husband, the life of any company, suddenly becomes gloomy. More and more often at dinner you hear from your spouse that he mismanaged his life, he should have entered another institute, then everything would have turned out differently and the children would have studied in London, and you would have spent your vacation on a yacht. In general, he becomes increasingly bored and uninterested, he doesn’t want anything: no sex, no cognac, no bathhouse with friends, no football.

The age is no longer the same

As soon as you notice that your spouse has fallen victim to a depressive crisis, begin to unobtrusively take an interest in his affairs and be sure to pay attention to his achievements. Moreover, even if they are small, focus on the fact that he is doing what he loves, and he is doing great at it, and everything else - success, wealth, fame - will come later! Remind your spouse often that you still have a lot of time ahead and he will have time to do everything. And the phrase “not the same age” should be completely excluded from the vocabulary.

As for the mandatory vacation to get out of a crisis, you shouldn’t force a person in melancholic indifference to hang on cliffs or dive after sharks. Choose a beach holiday and take your child with you. But don’t forget to find out in advance whether the hotel has animation or a children’s room where you can rent your offspring for a while. A crisis macho should be able to enjoy an evening cocktail brought by his tanned wife in a white bikini, and the next morning he will be happy to play in the sand with his baby. In this situation, even if your spouse “destroys” himself for days on end with thoughts about what a loser he is, the realization that he has nevertheless become a good husband, an excellent father and can afford a vacation at sea will help him perk up.

Expert opinion

Anna Topicheva, psychologist:

– During a midlife crisis, a man begins to look for those to blame, and, as a rule, his wife gets the most. It’s easy to explain: after all, you were the one who witnessed everything that your spouse had to endure. And many successful men do not want the woman who is next to him to know him as a poor student or a “shuttle guy” with a checkered trunk on his back. Since memories cannot be deleted, he has to change his companion! After all, his new young wife will only know him as a winner. In addition, having married for the second time, a man thinks that he gets a chance to live another life. In this case, there is only one piece of advice for a woman - try to be extremely calm and discuss his emotions with your husband honestly, sincerely and impartially, like old friends. In times of crisis, many men do not realize that any divorce is painful and rarely leads to a happier life. If the spouse understands this, there is a chance that he will change his mind about leaving the family. Moreover, most often the desire to get a divorce is imposed on men by new mistresses.

7 crisis “don’ts”

1. Don’t bother with advice and don’t blame yourself for his experiences, even if he thinks that you are the cause of all the problems.

2. Don't cry in front of him and don't beg. He needs to see that you are okay.

3. Don't expect a demonstration of warm feelings on his part. But tell your husband yourself that you love him.

4. Do not seek salvation in alcohol, tobacco, or tranquilizers. They will only make the problem worse.

5. Don’t make scenes of jealousy, don’t blame him for not spending enough time with you. Give him the opportunity to be alone with himself.

6. Don’t demand changes from him, don’t ask him to become the same person you fell in love with. Don't convince your spouse that you know what to do to make him feel better.

7. Don't kick him out of the house unless you really want him to leave.

Evgeniy Lebedenko

Crisis of 40 years in men - how to cope on your own

The crisis of 40 years in men does not bypass almost any representative of the stronger sex. The only difference is the peculiarities of its course. Today in this article we will try to figure out how to cope with the crisis of 40 years in men and save the family.

Crisis of 40 years in men: behavior patterns

Today, 4 models of the crisis are known, each of which has its own characteristics. Depending on this, you need to behave differently.

Full implementation

In this case, the midlife crisis is practically unnoticeable, since the man’s main goals and desires have been achieved. He gets bored, so you need to help him achieve new goals and push him to new discoveries. If possible, participate in all your loved one’s projects yourself. This will unite you even more.

Pseudo-development

In this case, the man is outwardly calm and may seem to have everything under control. In fact, inside he feels devastation, a dead end, or that he is tired of everything. He may take it out on you, but you don’t understand the reasons and are nervous; you cannot forgive the offense. These signs need to be tracked and help must be given. If you can’t cope on your own, several sessions with a competent psychologist will correct the situation.

The man feels that everything is being destroyed. He cannot meet the demands that others place on him, and at the same time he has not satisfied his own desires and needs. And this may have a negative impact on the course of the crisis. It can be either a temporary phenomenon or the beginning of a dark streak in a man’s life.

For most of his life, the man has been unhappy and cannot solve the problems of the crisis on his own. This condition occurs due to the fact that a man does not meet the standards that are accepted in society: a man is a breadwinner, a man is a protector. The feeling of inferiority prevents a man from fulfilling his dreams and desires, which further aggravates the situation.

In order for the crisis of 40 years in men to pass as unnoticed and “painlessly” as possible for both him and his loved ones, maximum “emotional flexibility” is necessary. In addition, spiritual flexibility is also necessary. People of mature air experience a so-called “hardening” of views and interests.

This can lead to the person closing himself off from new ideas and solutions. And this “closeness” must be overcome, otherwise it will lead to intolerance and fanaticism.

How to help a man and save his family?

Statistics show that it is during the midlife crisis that the greatest number of divorces occur. And helping a man overcome this milestone as painlessly as possible and, thereby, saving his family is the task of a real woman.

Before the onset of his 40th birthday, a man reassesses his values, analyzes his achievements and successes. If what he wanted to achieve is not achieved, he may feel devastated. How to fill this void? One of the most simple ways- start a relationship with a young girl who will admire him and learn from life experience.

It should be noted that it is not only losers who take mistresses, but also accomplished men, who have an even greater chance of finding a young, pretty girl because of their wealth. A man wants admiration, which his wife, who has lived with him for many years, cannot give him.

How should a woman behave in this situation?

1. Don't control your husband too much. If earlier he calmly responded to your calls during get-togethers with friends, now he may flare up.
2. Try to sincerely admire him and as often as possible. He must feel that his woman believes and appreciates him in any situation.
3. Don't forget about yours appearance. A man is pleased to see a well-groomed and smiling wife next to him. Try to dress feminine, elegant and stylish. The less you complain about your health, the better.
4. If you are more successful at work than your husband and earn more, then you should not remind him of this. In addition, do not allow relatives to speak condescendingly about him.
5. If you have any suspicions that your husband has taken a mistress, you should not immediately start a scandal and showdown. In this case, you will be able to save your family, since, generally, at this age, men start temporary affairs without intending to leave the family. And your hysterics and scandals can ruin everything.

Almost every family faces a crisis for men at the age of 40. But if you love your man and want to help him get through this period as painlessly as possible, we advise you to prepare for this time mentally and be patient.

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!

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