Main types and methods of manipulation There are many methods of manipulation, we will consider some of the most common ones. Threat of rupture. Sometimes, especially in the heat of a quarrel, partners may say to each other: “I’m filing for divorce,” “I’m leaving,” “We need

Many people believe that management techniques are only useful to those whose profession is related to management. In fact, this is a set of techniques that can be applied in any area of ​​life where society is present.

Do not succumb to the provocations of your old, harmful neighbor, build the right relationships with your children, establish contact with unpleasant relatives or employees; in the end, it will be profitable to sell your dacha or even a sofa on Avito.

In other words, the set of techniques will work with absolutely all people, regardless of their gender, age and social status.

For people in leadership positions and entrepreneurs, the first thing they should do is learn how to manage people. Of course, it’s not enough just some tricks gleaned from different sites.

Masterful management of people requires a full range of techniques and even a slightly modified worldview.

But I’ll tell you about this later, but now – 10 ways that will be useful to you in your career and in life.

1. Right View

There is a special look that makes people reckon with you, recognize you as a strong opponent at the subconscious level.

This view can be useful in any controversial situation when you want to declare that you are worth taking into account and you make the decisions here.

You need to look into the eyes, but not at the surface of the eye, but as if through it, looking into the soul. The result is a piercing gaze that declares your decisive attitude. And people feel it.

2. Energy break

To get what they want, people sometimes use the tactless question method when surrounded by other people. In private you would not hesitate to refuse or answer negatively, but in public you are confused and may agree or answer so as not to seem greedy, secretive, etc.

To avoid falling for this bait, you can use the energy pause method. You look into the person's eyes as if you are about to respond. He prepares to accept your answer, but you don't answer.

You continue to look at him but don't say anything. He looks away in confusion, and then you start talking about something else. After such an incident, he will no longer try to force you to answer in public.

3. Pause and encouragement

Sometimes people try to demand something based solely on the intensity of their demand. That is, the person basically understands that his demand is unfounded, and you understand this.

Nevertheless, he actively and very emotionally demands something, hoping that you will give in, fearing conflict. If you support his tone or begin to object, a conflict will occur.

Instead, pause and encourage the person in a friendly manner to continue the conversation. Feeling supported, a person will stop getting excited and begin to speak more calmly.

But even after that, do not stop the silence, nod and encourage him to talk further. The person will begin to explain, then make excuses and, finally, apologize.

4. Eye protection

Of course, you are not the only one who uses some techniques, and not only consciously. It happens that people unconsciously feel what they need to do to achieve what they want, and they behave that way.

If you notice the gaze of your interlocutor, he may use some kind of psychological influence on you, whether consciously or not.

Remember: you are not obliged to play a staring contest with him by accepting the rules of his game. Look into his eyes, smile, letting him know that you noticed his gaze and you don't care, and look at other objects.

5. Overcome hostility

Life often confronts us with unpleasant people with whom we are simply forced to communicate and maintain good relations.

In order to maintain normal communication or get something from this person, you will have to really overcome your dislike for him. And not just putting on a fake smile, but imbued with sympathy and kindness.

How to do this if you are facing a scandalous, nasty guy?

Imagine him as a small child. If a child behaves badly, it means that he is embittered, unhappy or spoiled. In any case, the environment is to blame for this.

Basically, it's true, so you're not even fooling yourself. When you see this person as a child, you cannot be angry with him, and people always feel kindness and sympathy, and this disarms them.

6. Pressure

Many people put pressure on their employees, relatives and friends to get what they want. What it looks like from the outside: repeated repetition of the same demands - sometimes soft, sometimes hard, sometimes persistent and emotional, sometimes unobtrusive.

The main purpose of pressure is to deprive you of hope that the request or demand can be avoided.

The person makes you understand that you simply cannot do it differently; he will stand his ground until the very end.

What can you do about it? It helps to call a spade a spade. For example, you can immediately ask the person: “Are you putting pressure on me?” As a rule, a person then gets lost. Equally important is the ability to firmly say “no.”

7. The ability to say “no”

You must learn to say “no”; this will be very useful in the fight against various kinds of manipulators, among whom may be not only obsessive partners, but also your friends or family.

You must learn to say exactly this word - “no”. Not “it won’t work,” or “I don’t know,” or “we’ll see,” but a firm “no.”

8. Don’t explain your refusal.

This is also a great skill that is acquired with experience. If you refused someone, said your firm “no”, be able to do without explanations and even more so without excuses.

At the same time, you should not feel guilty for refusing without explanation. People feel the inner mood, and if you hesitate within yourself, they will get comments from you and maybe even persuade you.

Again, it is not always a good idea to refuse without explanation, but there are times when it is necessary.

9. Position without evidence

In negotiations, evidence of correctness often plays a negative role. Rightness is a state that is transmitted at the level of sensations. You feel right and other people agree with you.

If you start to prove your position with arguments, this can destroy your confidence in the rightness.

Let's say you make one argument, and your interlocutor refutes it. If after this you give a second argument, it means that you agree that the first one was unsuccessful, and this means the loss of your positions and unshakable faith in your rightness.

10. Fix a new role

If you take on a new role - head of a department, team captain, or some other - you need to immediately fix it, outlining your authority. Do as quickly as possible in your new role what you could not do in your previous role.

Give some order, make a decision, ask for an answer from your subordinates, and so on. The longer you wait to take on a new role, the more your rights may be reduced.

These ways to manage people and prevent yourself from being manipulated are only a small part of all the techniques of management art that change not only your communication style, but also your worldview. And you can acquire it by learning from professionals.

Management art and a new worldview

A large-scale program of 40 online seminars on the art of management will begin at the end of January 2015.

For 10 months, a seminar will be held once a week in the form of an online broadcast around the world, where a business coach will tell interesting techniques, analyze individual cases of participants and help them create their own strong philosophy.

Coaching consists not only of useful practices and techniques that can be useful, but also of working with participants, with specific people and their problems.

Moreover, the program is suitable for both start-ups and experienced entrepreneurs.

You will find out how many mistakes you made in management, correct them and never repeat them.

If you are going to manage people, you simply need a solid philosophy, strength of character and knowledge of various psychological tricks. You will find all this in the program of Vladimir Tarasov. It's time to sign up.

Ecology of consciousness: Psychology. For modern people, the problem of resisting manipulation is extremely relevant, because we have to deal with this phenomenon literally every day. As sad as it is to realize, someone is always trying to manipulate us.

Much has been written on the topic of manipulation. For modern people, the problem of resisting manipulation is extremely relevant, because we have to deal with this phenomenon literally every day. As sad as it is to realize, someone is always trying to manipulate us.

Working methods of resisting manipulation

And to be honest, we also do this to those around us, not always even understanding what we are doing. Let's try to understand the concept of “manipulation”, “manipulative influence” and determine the approach to this phenomenon in our everyday life.

Manipulation as a way of interaction

Manipulation is inseparable from human interaction, from communication and from relationships. In absolutely any type of communication there is the possibility of becoming an object of manipulation by a partner. This is due to the fact that Conflicts of interest often arise between people.

And according to researchers K. Thomas and R. Killman, there are only five strategies for interaction in conflict. Here's what they look like.

• Concession. When a person sacrifices his own interests in favor of the interests of another, for example, so as not to spoil the relationship with him.
• Avoiding conflict. When both partners avoid interaction on a controversial issue, for example, if the subject of the conflict is not important to them.
• Compromise. When both partners partially comply with their own interests, and partially with the interests of their partner. At the same time, the relationship between them does not deteriorate and even develops.
• Cooperation. When both partners value the relationship and try to satisfy the interests of each of them as much as possible. Possible only if the conflict does not affect the vital interests of the partners. If these interests are affected, then the only strategy left is:
• Rivalry. With this strategy, one of the partners pursues its own interests to the maximum extent possible, without taking into account the interests of the other party. Relationships certainly suffer when this method of interaction is implemented.

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It is not by chance that we remembered the behavior of people in conflict and the strategy of competition. It is precisely this that underlies the understanding of manipulation as a method of influence. The fact is that manipulation is one of the types of rivalry strategy. Rivalry, both in nature and in military science, can be carried out either openly or covertly.

For example, during a war, a commander faced with the task of capturing new enemy territory always weighs whether he has sufficient resources for a direct attack before choosing a military strategy.

And if he comes to the conclusion that it is better to save resources (people, ammunition), he may adopt a siege rather than an attack as his main strategy. With this approach, he has a chance, without losing his soldiers, to get the same result by showing patience and waiting until the enemy himself surrenders without a fight, unable to withstand the hardships of a besieged situation. Some animals behave in a similar way, tracking down their prey from cover, ambush, and saving their strength, taking a decisive action only at the moment when their victim suspects nothing.

They do not run after her through the forest or steppe, do not waste energy in the fight, but only wait for an opportune moment. The advantage of a sneak attack is obvious. Manipulators behave exactly the same way.

Convinced that their communication partner has something valuable to the manipulator, but not wanting to ask for it from him directly, manipulators take action aimed at misleading the victim into a state of confusion and, taking advantage of this, get their winnings.

It is very important to understand that manipulators, like direct aggressors, pursue exclusively their own interests and do not care at all about the interests of their partner. The value of relationships for manipulators at this moment is not significant. Wherein if the manipulator had enough strength, he would simply take away what he wants to take possession of. In this regard, it is important to know that if you resist the manipulator, this can lead to an open form of conflict.

To summarize the above, we define manipulation as a strategy for achieving one’s own interests, hidden from the awareness of the second partner by changing his consciousness and without taking into account his interests (and sometimes causing damage to him).

Stages of manipulative influence

Manipulation can be represented as a sequence of certain stages, a kind of script or dance with pre-known movements. They are known, of course, only to the manipulator, and even then only if he himself is aware of them. By the way, manipulation realized by the manipulator is nothing more than fraud. However, our life is far from being limited to fraud; there are many more manipulations and their types, and as we wrote above, not every manipulator is aware of his actions. This, however, does not prevent us from highlighting the same stages or steps in all manipulations.

1. First, the manipulator tells his victim some information in which the truth is mixed with lies in a certain proportion.

This proportion is such that the “victim” is not able to immediately distinguish it. This is what creates in the “victim” a feeling of some confusion, bewilderment, a feeling of “something is wrong” or “SOS”. But at this moment the “victim” is not yet able to understand what exactly it is that continues communication. 2. The manipulator continues to attack the victim’s psyche with additional information, and "victim" unable to resist the discomfort caused by the contradiction captured in the previous step, displaces the "SOS" signal

into the realm of the unconscious. From this moment on, the manipulator can do whatever he wants with the “victim”.

A wonderful illustration of this is the famous story about Pinocchio, Alice the Fox and Basilio the Cat. The song of Alice and Basilio reflects the key targets of manipulators seeking to achieve their interests through deception.
"A braggart doesn't need a knife
Sing to him a little,

And do with it what you want"
"A greedy person doesn't need a knife
Sing to him a little,

Show him the copper penny
"A fool doesn't need a knife
You'll lie to him like three times

And do with it what you want." 3. The manipulator offers the “victim” a choice of two evils, and the “victim” chooses the “lesser evil”

, thereby leading the manipulator to win, and himself to loss and a feeling of being used.

The main criterion for recognizing manipulation is the presence of an emotional trail after communication with the manipulator.

If you feel that after some interaction there is a feeling of losing, being used, or being deceived, you can rest assured that you have had contact with a manipulator. This can happen in a personal relationship with a loved one, or as a result of a first meeting in life. The emotional aftertaste will unmistakably tell you what type of interaction the incident can be attributed to. Most effective method resist manipulative influence - that you are being manipulated. Without awareness at this stage, everything else is useless. As you just saw in the manipulation scheme, the consciousness of the “victim” of the manipulator changes so much that the ability to critically evaluate what is happening disappears. This is what gives the manipulator a chance to achieve what he wants. Therefore, the first thing that is important to do is to understand that you are in danger. This is not such a simple task as it might seem at first glance. Our psyche is extremely opposed to any discomfort and negative experiences. People tend to push unpleasant thoughts away. If we were structured differently, manipulators of all stripes would not be so successful. The reality is that a person does not want to listen to the prompts of his intuition and stubbornly rushes forward, towards that same loss and emotional fallout.

Scheme for resisting manipulation

So,the most important thing is to catch the SOS signal, sent to you by your brain.

This may feel like vague anxiety, some kind of ambiguity, a feeling of contradiction, inconsistency in what you hear from your communication partner.

Never miss this signal. Learn to hold it, no matter how unpleasant it may be.

The next important decision is to give yourself the opportunity to be at a safe distance from the source of the information that is embarrassing to you.

You need to physically stop access to your consciousness from the one who confused you. Take this time to analyze the situation. Your consciousness will instantly clear up, and your ability to objectively evaluate information will return.

The next step is to figure out how many lies you just received mixed with the truth. Distinguishing between truth and lies is not always so easy. There are a number of signs by which you can reliably judge that you are being manipulated. Let's look at these manipulator traps in a little more detail.

Signs of manipulation

The use of a false cause-and-effect relationship, when the second part of the statement seems to follow from the first part, although in fact this is not the case.

Quote from “Heart of a Dog”:

Head - to Professor Preobrazhensky:“I suggest you buy several magazines in favor of children in Germany. About fifty kopecks apiece.”

Professor Preobrazhensky:“No, I won’t take it.”

Manager:“You don’t sympathize with the children of Germany?”

Preobrazhensky:"Sorry".

Manager:“Oh, do you feel sorry for fifty dollars?”

In this example, it is clearly seen that Preobrazhensky’s refusal to buy magazines was interpreted by the manager as equivalent to a lack of sympathy for children, and a false conclusion was made about the existence of a cause-and-effect relationship between the refusal to buy and greed for fifty dollars.

Using a false inference when cause and effect are reversed.

The use of false generalization is often used by manipulators when they introduce words such as “always”, “never”, “everything”, “nothing”, “everywhere”, “nowhere”.

Using artificial understatement or exaggeration, for example, “Could you ever be on time for a meeting?”

Usurpation of the right to assessment is a very common technique of manipulators.

“Today you seem to have no place for yourself, you are twitching and nervous all the time” - typical example how the manipulator communicates an unsolicited assessment to a communication partner.

Giving a negative emotional connotation to ordinary words can also confuse and unsettle. “With your kindness you will let us go around the world” is a clear example of such a statement.

How to behave after recognizing manipulation

Once you have clearly determined what the manipulator lied to you about, the question inevitably arises of what to do about it. There are only three ways out.

• A break up. This option is suitable if we are faced with shameless manipulation at the first contact and do not see the need to re-educate our partner; it is easier to leave the relationship. It may also be an appropriate conclusion when the relationship has run its course and there is no chance of constructive interaction.
• Voluntary refusal to fight, surrender of positions. This option is the least pleasant, but sometimes forced. There are situations when we consciously decide to give something to the manipulator, realizing that otherwise we will lose even more. Despite the fact that making such a decision does not protect us from real harm, awareness of our own choice allows us to avoid the emotional trail and feeling of failure. Choosing to cut costs is a completely rational strategy.
• Apply techniques to resist manipulation. This option is suitable for anyone who considers it necessary to train the skills of defending their own boundaries in relationships.

Techniques and techniques for resisting manipulation

The basic principle of all techniques: choose your own interpretation of the manipulative message. This principle turns the manipulator's weapon against himself and corresponds to the approach of psychological aikido.

There are many techniques for resisting manipulation, and each of them has its own scope and limitations. To effectively use techniques, you must be fluent in the skills of recognizing manipulations and feel comfortable in the communication space. You can learn such techniques at specialized trainings or in personal work with a coach or psychologist. It is best if you choose from a variety of techniques those that best suit your situations and your character. In this material we will limit ourselves to listing the variety of techniques that can provide effective resistance to manipulators.

So,The most effective methods include:

“Bringing on a fog or a broken record.” The general meaning of the technique is to agree with some part of the manipulator’s statement, depriving him of aggressive energy and reducing the intensity of communication. The technique can be repeated many times, which is what gave it its second name. It has a debilitating effect on the manipulator; he completely loses the desire to get at his victim.

“Strangling in a hug or attributing positive intentions.” From the name it follows that the content of the technique is to disarm the manipulator by attributing to him positive intentions that he may not have had in mind. Works well on people in power who need confirmation of their importance.

“Specifying questions” allows you to demonstrate at the very beginning of the manipulation that you intend to clarify all the ambiguities and ambiguities in the message that the manipulator sends to you. Effective on those who were really hoping to embarrass you and cause you to feel guilty or ashamed. Its use is relevant in situations where you need to achieve some goal from the manipulator. It is not recommended to use it in order to “starve out the manipulator”; questions should be meaningful and create the impression of a person who wants to figure it out, and not to outplay the manipulator. Additional clarification about the reasons for asking questions is welcome: “I just want to understand you as best as possible...”.

“Constructive confrontation” shows the manipulator that he will not be able to deceive you, and that you understand well where the truth is and where the lies are.

Appropriate in a situation of equal relations and readiness to move on to constructive cooperation on both sides. Gives a chance to relationships that are in principle balanced, but are experiencing a temporary breakdown."Questions about the purpose of communication"

designed to avoid compromising situations and damaged reputation.

Example: Colleague - new employee

“By the way, our manager said something unpleasant about your previous experience.” New employee:

“Why did you decide to inform me about this now, when our manager is absent from his workplace?”

It makes sense to use the “assertive script” in order to clearly define your boundaries in a relationship and warn about possible inevitable consequences if your communication partner continues to manipulate.

The main elements of this approach are the use of I-messages, the formation of wishes to change the situation, and the designation of inevitable consequences. Method " Gray stone

“is a last resort when interacting with pathological individuals with whom, for a number of reasons, you cannot break off relations. The main content of the method consists of efforts aimed at creating the most boring and uninteresting image for the manipulator, avoiding any reasons for provocation and envy of the manipulator, diverting the manipulator’s attention to unimportant aspects of your life so that the most significant and valuable areas for you remain safe.. The most important thing when resisting manipulation is to remember that you have the right as a free person to refuse what is not in your interests and to protect your boundaries. And, of course, listen to the voice of your own intuition, which never lets you down and always tries to warn you of impending danger. Your main task is to develop contact with your own feelings and increase your level of awareness. And then no manipulator will be afraid of you!

Manipulations in communication

You have probably come across such people more than once, after communicating with whom you are left with an unpleasant feeling of awkwardness. And perhaps you yourself have more than once tried, with the help of your speech, to force a person to make certain decisions that you need. And all this is called manipulation in communication.

NLP techniques

The abbreviation NLP, which Lately began to be used more and more often by people who are interested in psychology and the secrets of manipulating people in particular, as it turned out, it is divided into various techniques. Want to know more? Read our material!

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Not every person can catch the thought that, standing in front of a shelf in a store, you will most likely choose exactly the product whose advertisement buzzed all your ears. But why does this happen? What makes us listen to advice from TV screens?

How to manipulate people - psychology

There are many ways in psychology regarding how to manipulate people. They can be useful not only for those who want to use them to achieve their goals, but also for the rest of the category, forced to protect themselves from the influence of others. This article will talk about various manipulation methods.

How to manipulate people with words and actions?

Here are the most common methods:

1. A way associated with care and love. Its essence is to evoke a sense of duty in a person, and unconsciously. For example, a wife wants to get something from her husband and prepares him for the conversation in advance, greeting him from work with a gentle smile, running a warm bath and giving him a relaxing massage. After the pleasure she has received, her husband simply cannot refuse her.
2. A method associated with repetition, which, as is known, is the mother of learning. This method of manipulation is the main one in the arsenal of advertisers. “You deserve it!” - the advertisement shouts and the women are carried on, spending huge amounts of money on the purchase of goods.
3. The ability to manipulate people also includes a method associated with temptation. What alcoholic can resist a filled glass or a lover of women before another skirt? All kinds of promotions and discounts in stores, shouting that only today you can have time to buy a product at cost, have the goal of selling out this very product.
4. Those who are interested in how to learn to manipulate people from a psychological point of view should also adopt this method associated with public censure, which was very common in the era of the USSR, when for any offense a person was called to the carpet and reprimanded in public.
5. For those who ask how to properly manipulate people, you can use the bribery method. As you know, the fight against corruption is being waged on all fronts, but complete eradication is still far away as long as there are those who are willing to pay and reward for services.
6. A method of reverse psychology that forces you to get the desired reaction from a person. For example, a wife wants to spend the weekend with her beloved man, but as luck would have it, he’s going fishing. Then she tells him something like: “I’m glad to have the opportunity to take a break from each other and tonight I’ll go to a nightclub with my friends.” The husband is shocked; he doesn’t want to let his wife go alone and stays at home.

Of course that's not all existing methods, there are others.

Successful manipulation largely depends on how well a person knows the other, his habits, weaknesses, etc. However, when using manipulation, you should not dismiss the moral side of the issue, because tomorrow someone will want to use this technique in relation to you.

Related articles:

Manipulation methods.

Almost any person can be “divorced”. This is especially true when it is done by a professional manipulator. But if you understand the plan and the mechanism of his actions, you can block all his attempts to force you to do what he needs.

How manipulations are performed.

If you want a person to do something you need without him realizing the fact that he is being manipulated, first of all he must feel good about you.

Psychologists say: “you need to establish rapport.”

An important detail: you need to be able to establish an impression from the first seconds of communication. To do this, you need to know the psychotype of the person with whom you are communicating. That is, you must know how to talk to him. You can speak to someone in an aggressive, dive-bombing manner, but to someone you cannot do this under any circumstances. You need to speak calmly and quietly with someone, someone, when you talk to him like that, will say: it’s impossible to talk to him, the porridge in his mouth is freezing. You must be able to choose the right manner of communication.

To understand who your opponent is, look at him carefully. Look at how he sits, how he talks, determine his modality. It is very important to be able to communicate with a person in his modality. Otherwise, what you say will not reach him and tension will arise in your relationship with him.

Adapt to his breathing and posture. It's no secret that we love people like us. Therefore, in order to impress a person, you simply need to have the talent of mimicry.

About body language when manipulating:

If you sit on the end of a chair with your back straight and slightly bent forward, with your feet not wide apart and your arms not crossed (that is, the posture should not be distant), you will feel energized and collected.

This is the best posture to convince someone.

In this case, it will be ideal if the opponent sits, lounging in a comfortable soft chair, at a level lower than yours. His will will already be suppressed. He will perceive you as more important than himself.

It should also be noted that your appearance should not irritate your counterpart. People, as a rule, are irritated by the sloppiness or deliberate sophistication of the appearance of the interlocutor, or strong smells of perfume. Your appearance must be adequate to the concept of your opponent.

How to look at a person during communication. If you don't look a person in the eyes, they will get the feeling that you are hiding something. If your head is thrown back, others will get the impression that you are arrogant.

Psychologist have long known that if you want to convince a person of something, you need to look into his right eye. If you want to piss a person off, you need to look at his Adam's apple. This is terribly annoying.

If you want to establish a normal, trusting type of communication with your opponent, look into his eyes, but not all the time, but approximately 50-60% of the total time of communication. When your interlocutor constantly and intently looks into your eyes, it tires you; if he looks into your eyes only occasionally, you may get the impression that he is not telling you something, that he is playing some kind of game with you.

So, the very, very basic thing you need to do in order to manipulate a person is: tune in to his wavelength, connect to it, make the person an active participant in communication, and your company should be pleasant for him. But this is only possible if you know the person, know his psychotype.

Further. It is important to show respect for the person you are talking to and respect for what is important to them. Psychologists call this joining. You need to show your interlocutor that you understand and appreciate his point of view and respect his model of the world. It must be remembered that the discrepancy between pictures of the world leads to misunderstanding.

At a reception, sometimes you have to listen to things that it would be better not to know at all. But, you pull yourself together and say something like this: “Well, this also happens, I have encountered this many times. Let's try to find out when it started, where it came from and how to remove it if you think it necessary."

At the same time, your face should be calm and understanding, you should breathe synchronously with the client, copy his posture, talk to him in the same modality, in the same rhythm and tone.

If this is not so, you will simply waste time - there will be no contact.

Most people believe that if you present a problem to a person logically and convincingly, then he will certainly understand everything and take your side.

However, the problem is that logic does not always help in convincing people. A person usually makes a decision at two levels: rational and emotional. When you use only the rational in a person, but do not transfer emotions to your side, the person will find in himself justifications for the falsity of your logic and ways to avoid it.

And yet, the more complex your logical constructions, the easier it is for your opponent to destroy them.

When trying to get someone to do something you want, you need to know which levers to pull and which buttons to push to get your opponent on your side. The opponent must understand that what you are offering him is exactly what he needs. He must be imbued with the idea that for him this is the solution to his problem.

The client needs to be brought to the point where he realizes your motivation and begins to develop it. You need to involve him in a discussion in which he will convince himself of the fairness of your proposal. And then he will treat your idea as a joint project.

And he begins to defend this joint idea, he will become your ally. And you will not interfere with this.

How can this be achieved?

The greatest art, the highest aerobatics, is not to voice the idea yourself, but to lead your opponent to voice it himself.

For example, if you want your child to study better or take up sports, the arguments you give like: “you must,” “you must,” “you need,” “I would like you to...” will lead to little. . But if you unobtrusively start a conversation with him about his standard of a man, or how he would like to see you in the future, in ten years, and what needs to be done for this, he himself will come to the necessary conclusions. All you need to do next is turn its outputs into its settings.

And in conclusion, this detail: you will make a strong impression on people when the husk falls off of you, when everything unnecessary leaves, and your self remains, when you understand who you are and why you need to be respected. When you can show something that you have achieved yourself, through hard work, that you are an expert at.

Every person has things that he considers sacred. I, for example, can easily agree that I am poorly versed in website building, or that I am completely impractical. But if you tell me that I'm a bad hypnotist, this is where I'll fight like a Japanese samurai. I'll be like a rock. Here I am flint. This is my sacred thing.

People who have a core are treated with respect, listened to, and trusted. And here charisma begins to emerge in a person. People feel this and understand that they are talking to a person.

How to become manipulators

Everett Shostrom offers his typology of reasons for manipulation. Of course, everything that he names is found in a much more subtle and detailed elaboration in the ascetic works of the holy fathers of the Christian tradition. It is all the more interesting to see how a psychologist of the mid-20th century interprets the types of diseases of the human spirit. In total, Shostrom lists five main reasons that force people to manipulate each other. At the same time, managing people as things, the manipulators themselves inevitably turn into robots. Therefore, all five reasons are outlined by Shostrom in order to find a way out of a situation in which a person becomes a slave to himself.

The reason that Sjostrom names first is distrust of oneself and others, leading to a constant desire to control and manage the situation. In the language of the Christian tradition, this state of a person is usually defined as distrust of God, disbelief in His care for man and the world. Is it possible in this case to stop being a manipulator? If this is a Christian, then he needs to rely on God and trust His Providence. And what remains for an agnostic who does not know God, who, while realistically assessing others and himself, sees no reason to trust in anyone? In this case, how can he stop controlling the situation and managing it? Truly, to do this, he has only one way out - to become a believer...

The second reason for manipulation, named by Shostrom, is the replacement of love, which is not easy to earn, with power, which can be won by force. Shostrom says that what prevents us from earning love is the false postulate that the better we are, the more perfect we are, the more more worthy of love. If this false attitude fails, a desire appears to replace the unattained attitude of love towards oneself on the part of a person by completely subordinating it to oneself, turning it into one’s own thing, that is, the replacement of love with power. This means that if it is difficult for us to actually become better, we try to raise ourselves at least in our own eyes: we agree to accept recognition-submission instead of recognition-love.

What concept conveys this negative state in biblical thinking and the language of the Christian tradition? This is pride combined with the confidence that the more I exalt myself, the more worthy of love I am. While everything is completely the opposite - the more a person humbles himself, that is, admits his own imperfection, the more people like him. Therefore, in order for a Christian to refuse manipulation in this situation, he must, firstly, admit to himself his own weaknesses and inadequacy to his calling. Secondly, he must fulfill the Gospel commandment about spiritual poverty (Matthew 5:3), that is, realistically admitting all his imperfections before God, asking Him only for mercy and condescension. As for the agnostic, he can only follow Shostrom’s advice and admit to his own human weaknesses, if only this is feasible...

The third reason relates to manipulating people by demonstrating their passivity. Here the reason is a feeling of helplessness in front of life problems. A person experiences an acute resentment towards the whole world when he feels his own weakness, and as a result, expressing a kind of protest, he refuses to actively participate in all his problems. It is the uncontrolled surge of this condition that is the cause of most suicides. From a Christian point of view, this is shifting responsibility from oneself to others, blaming everyone for one’s failure, including God, but not oneself. A Christian who finds himself in such a state needs to overcome cowardice with a direct request to God, perhaps from the depths of despair, so that He would enter into this hopeless situation and resolve it Himself. The unbeliever has no choice but to stop feeling helpless, despite the risk and uncertainty surrounding him on all sides. But is this possible?

The fourth reason for manipulation is the fear of interpersonal contacts and the desire to avoid open communication. A person tries to hide his true self under the guise of any feigned emotions; he hides behind etiquette or common patterns of behavior. He cannot trust anyone, he is afraid of the predicament because it shows him helpless and open to the gaze of everyone. In people he sees only a source of aggression, it does not occur to him that in each of the people there is the image of God, which he feels in himself, but in the whole world, except for himself, he does not see a goal in anyone, but only a means to achieve comfort . In the language of the Christian biblical tradition, such a sinful state is called pride; it is accompanied by profound loneliness and alienation.

A Christian, if he finds himself in such a sinful state, should look for the reason for his fear of people in insufficient love for God and trust in Him; to recognize that God loves every person with the infinite love of the cross, the same as he loves me. An agnostic, in order to put an end to manipulation, if this is the reason for it, according to Shostrom’s advice, should simply at one point stop being afraid of revealing his predicament to people. But where do you get the courage?

Shostrom calls the fifth reason for manipulation the desire to gain the approval of everyone. Approval is required in order to fill the lack of internal confidence in the correctness of one’s actions and one’s condition in general. Therefore, in his relationships with people, a person strives by all means to achieve approval from them. The Christian tradition calls this state vanity, the desire to constantly receive a pleasant feeling of recognition and glory from as many people as possible.

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Psychology of behavior

For many centuries, psychologists and those who came before them have been studying the question of why a person behaves this way and not differently in a given situation. They came to different conclusions - from the fact that human behavior is only a reaction to a certain stimulus, and ending with the fact that it is a highly developed mental activity.

Psychology of influence

You would probably like to become a person whose all requests, demands and wishes would be fulfilled by other people without hesitation. And even if someone tells you that this is from the world of fantasy, you know that such people exist. And how do they manage to do all this?

Ways to manipulate people (what is manipulation- the topic of the previous article) a huge amount. In order to master some of them, long practice is required; most people use some of them freely, sometimes without even suspecting it. It is enough to simply know about some manipulation techniques in order to be able to defend against them, while others must be mastered in order to be able to counteract them.

It is necessary to know the mechanisms of manipulating the human psyche; this allows you to protect yourself from invasion of your psyche and skillfully counteract various techniques and methods of manipulation. It is also necessary to study and know manipulation techniques in order to learn how to skillfully understand them and use them for your own benefit. Without this knowledge it is difficult to achieve great success in life.

When using one or another method of manipulation, one should take into account the fact that a person’s life is multifaceted: by level of education, by life experience, by many other factors. Therefore, in some cases, for a more effective effect, an important point in using various methods of manipulation is preparation for their use.

The first step is to decide on a specific technique that is applicable in this case, and for this you should select a target of influence. Such targets could be:

1. Interests of a person, his needs and inclinations;
2. Beliefs (political, religious, moral), worldview;
3. Habits, behavior style, ways of thinking, habits, character traits, professional skills;
4. Mental and emotional state (both in general and at the moment).

That is, in order for one or another way of manipulation had an effect, it would be good to get to know the recipient of this impact as best as possible and collect more information about him.

Also at the preparatory stage, an experienced manipulator thinks through the places and conditions of his influence. It is important for him to increase the likelihood that the manipulated person will experience the reactions, sensations and emotions he needs. Therefore, creating conditions for increasing suggestibility, he chooses secluded, isolated places (although this is not always the case, sometimes the situation requires the opposite) and only then, without interference, applies the prepared manipulation technique.

The success of any method of manipulation depends on the established contact between people. The ability to make contact and maintain it is given great importance in the literature on business communication; this is not a way of manipulation, establishing contact, this is the basis of communicative communication. A skilled manipulator, acting subtly, knows this, he makes contact and develops it in every possible way (forms trust) with a view to its further use. For him, this is a preparatory stage, during which he adapts in every possible way to the interlocutor, using the joining technique. The essence of this technique is to find common interests and views, create an atmosphere of frankness, and create a favorable impression of yourself. The manipulator sometimes even begins to copy the communication partner’s gestures, facial expressions, takes similar poses, and does everything to win him over.

When all the preparatory stages have been completed, the necessary information has been collected, weaknesses have been identified, conditions have been thought out, you can begin to use techniques and methods of manipulation. Although to use some techniques preliminary preparation not required at all.

Ways to manipulate people

Each manipulation method below comes with brief instructions to counteract it, protect against it.

Before moving on to considering manipulation techniques, I also want to immediately note that manipulation methods are not always used separately; often combinations of techniques and methods are used to ensure effective impact.

FALSE ASKING

This method of manipulation is used to change the general meaning of what was said, changing its meaning to suit oneself. The manipulator, as if for the purpose of clarification, asks again, repeating what you said only at the beginning, then replaces the words and the overall meaning.

Listen very carefully to what they tell you. If you hear a distorted meaning, correct it immediately.

CONSTANTIAL INDIFFERENCE AND INATTENTION

When one person tries to prove that he is right, to convince another of something, he shows his indifference to both the interlocutor and what he says. The manipulator counts on the opponent’s desire to prove his importance at all costs, to use those facts, that information that he had not previously intended to disclose. That is, the necessary information is simply revealed.

Protection against manipulation– do not give in to provocation.

HASTY JUMP TO ANOTHER TOPIC

Having voiced one topic, the manipulator quickly moves on to another, thereby not giving the interlocutor the opportunity to protest the first or somehow doubt it. This is done with the aim of fixing this information (not always true) in the subconscious of the interlocutor. This method of manipulation can be characterized as suggestion with further use.

You should pay attention to what you hear and analyze everything.

QUOTING YOUR OPPONENT'S WORDS

In this case, the manipulator quotes, and unexpectedly, the opponent’s words. In most cases, the words are partially distorted.

While defending yourself, you can respond in kind, invent a phrase and pass it off as the words the manipulator once said to him.

IMAGINAL DAMAGE

The manipulator shows his weakness by seeking a condescending attitude towards himself. At such moments, the manipulated person ceases to take the person seriously as a competitor and rival, and his vigilance becomes dull.

You can not succumb to this method of manipulation only if you always take any person seriously and see in him a strong rival.

FALSE LOVE

Very common manipulation technique. By declaring love, honor and respect, you can achieve much more than just asking.

"Cold Mind" is here to help you.

FURIOUS ANGER AND FURIOUS PRESSURE

With unmotivated anger, the manipulator makes a person want to calm down his interlocutor and expects him to make certain concessions. Just like the previous one, this method of manipulation is quite common.

Counteraction:

1. Do not pay attention to the rage of your interlocutor, do not start to calm him down, but show your indifference to his behavior, this will confuse him;
2. Or vice versa, touching the manipulator (no matter the hand or shoulder) and looking him straight in the eyes, begin to sharply increase your aggressive pace, responding to him. With the help of simultaneous exposure to a visual, kinesthetic and auditory stimulus, the manipulator is introduced into a trance. And you can already set your own conditions for him, introduce your attitudes into his subconscious.
3. You can adjust, evoke a similar state of mind in yourself and gradually begin to calm down, calming the manipulator as well.

FALSE RUSH AND FAST PACE

Manipulation is possible by imposing a very fast pace of speech and pushing your ideas. The manipulator, hiding behind haste and lack of time, chatters up his interlocutor, who, without having time not only to answer, but even to think, thereby demonstrates his tacit consent.

Talkativeness, talkativeness and verbosity The manipulator can be stopped with questions and asking again. For example, a trick like “Sorry, I need to call urgently” will help slow down the pace. Will you wait?"

EXPRESS SUSPICTION AND CAUSE EXCUSES

This way of manipulation used to weaken the protective barrier of the human psyche. The role of the manipulator is to act out suspicion in any matter, the response to which will be a desire to justify himself. This is what he achieves. The protective barrier has weakened, you can “push through” the necessary settings.

The defense here is self-awareness self-confident person. Show the manipulator that you don’t care if you are offended, and you won’t run to catch up if he wants to leave. Lovers, take it upon yourself, don’t let yourself be manipulated!

FALSE FATIGUE

The manipulator makes it clear that he is very tired and is unable to prove anything or listen to objections. And therefore, the manipulated person quickly agrees with his words, and, following his lead, does not tire him with objections.

Don't give in to provocations.

The subtlety of this method of manipulation lies in the specifics of the human psyche - worship and blind trust in authority in any area. A manipulator, using his authority, puts pressure on a person, and often an opinion, advice or request lies outside the scope of his authority. How can you refuse a request or disagree with such a person?

Believe in yourself, in your abilities, in your individuality and exclusivity. Down with low self-esteem!

FALSE LOVE

The manipulator, as if in secret, almost in a whisper, hiding behind imaginary friendship, advises the manipulated person to act in a certain way. He assures of the benefits and benefits of this action, but in reality he pursues his own interests.

We should not forget that free cheese can only be found in a mousetrap; you have to pay for everything.

CAUSE RESISTANCE

It is known that the forbidden fruit is sweet, and the human psyche is structured in such a way that he is often interested in precisely what is forbidden or what requires effort to achieve. The manipulator, like a subtle psychologist, using these features of the human psyche, evokes such desires in the object of his influence. Of course, to please yourself.

Always remember your interests. Make decisions after thinking carefully, weighing all the pros and cons.

FROM PARTICULAR TO ERROR

The manipulator draws the object of manipulation's attention to only one detail, not allowing him to consider the whole picture, and forces him to draw conclusions based on this. Application of this way to manipulate people widespread in life. Many people make conclusions and judge about any object or event without having detailed information and without facts, sometimes even without their own opinion on this issue, they judge based on the opinions of others. Manipulators take advantage of this and thus impose their opinion.

Expand your horizons, develop, work to improve your level of knowledge.

IRONY WITH A SMILE

Manipulator, as if doubting the opponent’s words, deliberately chooses an ironic tone of conversation, provoking him to emotions. In an emotional state, in anger, a person falls into an altered state of consciousness and is more susceptible to suggestion.

An effective defense against this method of manipulation is complete indifference.

KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS OFF

The manipulator, in order to direct the conversation in the direction he wants, constantly interrupts the thoughts of the interlocutor.

Ignore this, or, using speech psychotechnics, try to ridicule the manipulator and if you are in a team, no one will seriously pay attention to his interruptions.

FALSE RECOGNITION OF FAVORABLE CONDITIONS

In this case, there is a hint from the manipulator about more favorable conditions in which the object of manipulation seems to be located. The manipulated begins to make excuses and opens up to suggestion, which immediately follows.

There is no need to make excuses; on the contrary, recognize your superiority.

SIMULATED BIAS

The manipulated person is placed in such conditions when he needs to avert suspicion of bias towards the manipulator. And he himself begins to praise him, talk about his good intentions, thereby giving himself the instruction not to react critically to the words of the manipulator.

If you find yourself in such a situation, refute your bias, but without praising the manipulator.

BE MISLEADING BY SPECIFIC TERMINOLOGY

It is carried out through the use of terms unknown to the manipulated by the manipulator in conversation. The latter finds himself in an awkward position, and fearing to appear illiterate, he is afraid of what these terms mean.

Don’t be shy or afraid to clarify a word you don’t understand.

IMPOSION OF FALSE STUPIDITY

Speaking in simple language, this method of manipulation is to lower the person below the plinth. Hints are used about his illiteracy and stupidity, which leads the object of manipulation into a state of temporary confusion. It is then that the manipulator encodes the psyche.

Don’t pay attention, especially if you know that in front of you is a competent manipulator, an experienced swindler or a hypnotist.

IMPOSING THOUGHTS BY REPEATING PHRASES

With this method of manipulation, through repeated repetition of phrases, the manipulator inspires the object with some information.

You should not pay attention to what the manipulator says. You can change the topic of conversation.

FALSE INATTENTION

The manipulator plays on his own supposed inattention. Having achieved the desired result, he seems to notice that he did something wrong, presenting the manipulated person with a fait accompli: “Well, what can you do, I didn’t see, I didn’t hear, I didn’t understand correctly...”

It is necessary to clearly clarify and convey the meaning of the agreements reached.

SAY YES"

Like manipulation technique is carried out by constructing a dialogue in such a way that the manipulated always agrees with the words of the manipulator. This is how the manipulator leads the target to accept his idea.

Change the focus of the conversation.

OBSERVATION AND SEARCH FOR SIMILAR TRAITS

The manipulator invents or finds some similarity between himself and the manipulated, casually draws attention to this, thereby increasing self-confidence and weakening defenses. You can act, promote an idea, instill a thought (using other methods and techniques of manipulation), and ask.

Defense is to sharply tell the manipulator about your differences with him.

IMPOSING CHOICE

The manipulator poses the question in such a way that he does not give the object any other choice of options other than those that he proposed. For example, a waiter in a restaurant, asking, approaching your table, “What wine will you drink today - red or white?”, makes you think about the choice from what he offered, and you, for example, were planning to order yourself some cheap vodka.

Clearly and clearly imagine what exactly you want and do not forget about your interests and plans, no matter what it concerns.

The article turned out to be voluminous, although not all techniques and methods of manipulation were considered (but this is already in other articles). It is clear that you will not be able to master it the first time. And it’s wrong to try to immediately apply everything you read and remember. Choose several methods of manipulation (preferably complementary to each other), practice using them, bring the application to perfection (as far as possible), and only then proceed to the next ones. We also recommend reading the article “ Statements of great and successful people about manipulation».

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